Am I Meant To Graduate?

Graduating college has been an ordeal, to say the least. In my previous truth, When Suicide Seemed Like the Best Option, I touched on the struggles I have experienced being a college student and single mom. The struggle is REAL.

struggle-bus-front

I’ve failed classes, I’ve retaken classes, I’ve taken semesters off, I’ve done it all! And now, with only one class left to take this summer, I’ve hit yet another roadblock — financial aid. Because it has taken me so long to finish my degree, I’ve run out of financial aid.

When I received the news a week ago, I cried. I prayed and I asked God, “Am I meant to graduate? Is this a sign that this is not meant to be?” 

I have sacrificed so much to get to this point! I left a job that was paying the bills to return to school. My household has been running on empty ever since.

But I  always remind myself of the bigger picture: I don’t want a job that just pays the bills. I want a career that provides financial stability and freedom. And also, a career that I’m passionate about.

ssg_job_vs_career

So through the months of financial despair, I’ve held on to the light at the end of the tunnel — the coveted Bachelor’s of Science in Engineering degree. But damn, is this a long tunnel!?

I spoke with my mom and told her the negative feelings I’ve been harboring about my current predicament. She reminded me that this isn’t a matter of “Is this meat to be?”, but rather a “How much do you want it?”

There’s no question that I want this degree. I’ve spent the last 7 years, thousands of dollars, and my sanity trying to get this baby. My discouragement comes from the all the hoops I have to go through to get it.

Nothing worth having

I have to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. I also have to remind myself that nothing of value is just handed to you. So while this process is incredibly stressful and tiring while in the thick of it — the reward will be that much sweeter at the end.

So while I don’t entirely know how I’ll pay this last class off, I’m already registered and set to take it. So I’m going to take it! I’m going to finish what I started. I’m going to fight, tooth and nail, to walk across that stage in December. Am I’m going to prove to nobody but myself, what hard work and determination will grant me.

Nadia.

Graduation

26 Comments Add yours

  1. Keep pressing momma! I’m glad you were able to encourage yourself. I’ve had a similar path and completely stopped going. I regret that decision at times and others, not so much. I pray that because you are right here at the end that the money comes through for you to walk across that stage! Peace and blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Shayan says:

    Boy, this brings back some tough memories.

    When we look at conquering a mountain, we constantly look at the peak of it and wonder how awesome it would be to be there and waving to everyone and feeling the joy of accomplishing that something…

    We keep thinking like that and we forget to celebrate the little goals in life. The little baby steps and setbacks and how we conquered them all. We constantly look at the peak and feel distant from it.

    That’s something that happened to me. I had my sights on the goal so hard that I failed to celebrate the tests I passed. I just wanted the end thing. I forgot that I was getting closer to it everyday and every second of my life. I felt distant. I felt a failure.

    I have mentally given up many times on the thing that I was working towards. Like for 30 minutes, I would imagine myself not doing that thing at all. I would consider all my other options and realise they all sucked (they didn’t but I don’t want any restarts). Also, I was in love with what I was learning. It’s okay to feel human and fall down and cry a lot and feel discouraged. It’s okay because that’s what makes us humans. That’s what makes us so powerful and resolute.

    I kept going because I believed I was always getting closer to that mountain peak.

    And so are you. Don’t give up. At any cost. Set your sights on it and God WILL work in your favour by seeing how resolute you are. Everything will fall in its place. It’s just a test to determine how bad you want this thing that you have been working so long towards.

    All the best in all your endeavours!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What an amazing analogy. Thank you so much!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Shayan says:

        You are always welcome!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Anecia says:

    You got this! I feel a way about going back to school right now. I always keep telling myself if this degree really worth it and it is.

    Like

  4. You can do it! I can sense your determination in every word you wrote. It will be so worth it when you graduate! All the best!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, thanks so much!

      Like

  5. shelly says:

    It isn’t easy being a single mom and going to school too. Kudos to you for hanging in there! You got this.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Haley Marie says:

    Good luck on making it to graduation, I know you will kill it! It is so inspiring to me that you are not willing to give up on your dreams or your family. I’m currently a college student and it’s difficult enough, so I can’t imagine going through all of this as a single mother! However, my mom did not graduate college because she had me and it hasn’t always been easy, so I promise your family will appreciate your hard work and efforts 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for you kind words! Good luck to you in your collegiate career also!

      Like

  7. wholeandhomegrown says:

    Thank you so much for sharing! Self motivation and pushing yourself is hard sometimes, but you just have to keep going.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading 🙂

      Like

  8. Blu says:

    I really hope you can work something out with the school. Sometimes it just takes the right person to give you that “yes”. I love how you haven’t given up. Our goals aren’t always easy but once we attain them we learn so much about ourselves in the process. You’re doing amazing!! Xo

    Liked by 1 person

  9. D. Sanders says:

    Stay the course! I’ve always found that when you doing what you are supposed to do, the universe will set things in motion to help you complete it! Stay Encouraged!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, I will! 🙂

      Like

  10. Holly Emma says:

    I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through this! I’m certain that this post will help out many others who are struggling with finishing college. Thank you for sharing xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, thanks for reading!

      Like

  11. keishcan says:

    Yes honey keep on pushing, you are going to be so happy when you walk across that stage. It will all be worth it. Discouragement is natural but it seems like you have a great support system around you. Keep going sis

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Hey Nadia, I’m glad you’ve found a positive outlook on this stressful situation. I too failed classes, retook classes, pro-longed graduation, you name it. Currently as a post graduation struggling to get in my field. Although that may not sound encouraging, I know that’s God allows us to grow within four obstacles, and as you stated, how bad do you want it? I needed to hear those words and this simply reminded me that there is beauty in the wait, because just as I waited to obtain that degree, when it was all over I was appreciative of the struggle!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! Best of luck to you 🙂

      Like

  13. For some of us, it takes a while to graduate. You can make it happen.

    Liked by 1 person

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